Sunday, June 22, 2008

8 months



How is it possible for something that happened eight months ago to still hurt so bad?

The thing I am realizing is this: with each passing month from here on out, the time that she has been gone is greater than the time that she was here. Also, this time last year I was 8 weeks pregnant. I was so excited and telling everyone! These days, I am praying to be pregnant and of course for patience to understand that when the time is right it will happen.

Saturday, June 14, 2008

Steel Magnolias

This always has been one of my favorite movies. Tonight, I reminded myself so much of M'Lynn in the scene below. The thing of it is, grief is such a multi-faceted monster. You can think you are having a perfectly good day, week even, and then all of a sudden it sneaks up on you out of nowhere. Like tonight, we were at a party having a nice time and BAM! it just hit me.... I had the feeling in my gut that I am mad at the world and I needed to go home. (It didn't help that there were kids EVERYWHERE!) On the way home I said to Nick, "Sometimes I just get so MAD! I wish someone could feel how bad it hurts!" Watching all the parents at that party with their kids- showing them how to eat crabs, helping them into the moonbounce, or even lathering them with bug spray, it makes me so sad that I will never get to do any of those things with my Caroline. Lord, my prayer tonight is to soften my heart and give me peace and understanding of your plan that is so much bigger than this anger that I feel today.



M'Lynn: [crying] I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine.
[screaming]
M'Lynn: I'm fine! I can jog all the way to Texas and back, but my daughter can't! She never could! Oh God! I am so mad I don't know what to do! I wanna know why! I wanna know *why* Shelby's life is over! I wanna know how that baby will *ever* know how wonderful his mother was! Will he *ever* know what she went through for him! Oh *God* I wanna know *why*? *Why*? Lord, I wish I could understand!
[In a firm tone]
M'Lynn: No! No! No! It's not supposed to happen this way! I'm supposed to go first. I've always been ready to go first! I-I don't think I can take this! I-I don't think I can take this! I-I just wanna *hit* somebody 'til they feel as bad as I do! I just wanna *hit* something! I wanna *hit it hard*!
[continues sobbing]
Clairee: *Here*!
[Grabs Ouiser by the shoulder and positions her in front of M'Lynn]
Clairee: *Hit this*! Go ahead M'Lynn, *slap her*!
Ouiser Boudreaux: [Taken aback and confused] Are you crazy?
Clairee: *Hit her*!
Ouiser Boudreaux: *Are you high, Clairee*?
Ouiser Boudreaux: [In a frightened tone] Clairee, have you lost your mind?
Clairee: We'll sell t-shirts sayin' "I SLAPPED OUISER BOUDREAUX!" Hit her!
Annelle: [in a scared tone] Ms. Clairee, enoough!
Clairee: Ouiser, this is your chance to do something for your fellow man! Knock her lights out, M'Lynn!
Ouiser Boudreaux: [snatches away] Let go o' me!
Clairee: M'LYNN, YOU JUST MISSED THE CHANCE OF A LIFETIME! HALF O' CHIQUAPIN PARISH'LL GIVE THEIR EYE-TEETH TO TAKE A WHACK O' OUISER!

Billboards from God



Click here to see more of these. They really are funny!

Tuesday, June 3, 2008

In Times Of Crisis, We Find One Another

From Our Daily Bread, 10 Reasons to Believe in a God who Allows Suffering

"No one would choose pain and suffering. But when there is no choice, there remains some consolation. Natural disasters and times of crisis have a way of bringing us together. Hurricanes, fires, earthquakes, riots, illnesses, and accidents all have a way of bringing us to our senses. Suddenly we remember our own mortality and that people are more important than things. We remember that we do need one another and that, above all, we need God. Each time we discover God's comfort in our own suffering, our capacity to help others is increased. This is what the apostle Paul had in mind when he wrote, "Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God" ( 2 Corinthians 1:3-4).

Sunday, June 1, 2008

Baby John



We are so happy to welcome the newest addition to our family!
Nick's cousin, John, and his wife Jessica (yes there are 2 Jessica Klugs)had a baby boy on Tuesday evening, May 27th. Baby John was in the NICU for a few days being treated for an infection, but thankfully is now home with Mommy and Daddy. Please pray for continued healing (and some sleep for the new parents:)
We love you Baby John!

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Update

In this post I mentioned two baby girls named Reese.
Baby Reese is 2 weeks old and she is in need of a heart transplant. Her parents, Jim and Tara, need prayers for strength as they face this difficult time. Please pray that this baby will receive that gift of life. Here is a post that discusses how to do just that.


The second baby, also Reese, has been brought home to Maryland!!! Hoping to meet her soon:)

Sunday, May 25, 2008

The Brown Star Story

Not long ago, astronomers found in the heavens gaseous celestial bodies--clouds of cosmic dust-- which they think have finally answered the mystery of what exists between the small things in the universe, like the planets, and the bigger things, like the sun. They call this cosmic dust "brown dwarfs" or "pre-stars", because although brown dwarfs have all the elements to become stars, for some reason they never did.

All stars go on to live full lives, from their hot, bright white dwarf stage to their aged cooler and dimmer red giant sage. But "brown stars" only go so far. Instead of being born to live a normal star's life, they remain cool and dim, hiding in the heavens, sprinkled in clusters among the other stars 150 light years from Earth.

But, like our babies, their roles in the universe are very important. In fact, scientists believe they serve as a link between the small things and the big things, holding the universe together: a mid-point between the beginning and ending of our universal story.

As we grieve for our babies who died before reaching stardom of their earthly lives, perhaps we can find comfort in the possibility that they were designated for this very special universal role. Energized by our love, they are guardians of our memories of what was and our dreams of what some day may be.

As we look to the heavens, seeking answers, we send messages of love to our "brown star" babies.

~Kim Steffgan

Don't Worry

Matthew 6:34 NIV
"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."

Another version- from "The Message"
"Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don't get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes."

This was the message in church today... I needed it big time.

It reminded me of this quote:
“Worry is like a rocking chair--it gives you something to do, but it doesn't get you anywhere.”

Friday, May 23, 2008

Why?

Do you ever get to the point where you literally throw your head back and lift your hands and say, "Why God?!, WHY!!??" That was me today. I sometimes feel like I cannot take ANYMORE bad news. First, the story of the family in my last post has been haunting me... It is such a horrible story. Then, today an awful accident on Rt. 97 involved parents of a student at Rippling Woods, the school I taught at for 8 years and the school Nick still teaches at. The victim was nine months pregnant and she and her baby both died as a result of the accident. Her surviving children are 8 and 9. AND...my uncle fell off of a ladder and had to be flown to shock trauma. He is suffering from many broken bones, including a broken pelvis. We know it could have been much worse and are grateful that it wasn't, but pray for him as he has many weeks of healing to come.
And so at a time like this, why is it that the only thing I can keep running through my head is this song:

Forever God is faithful
Forever God is strong
Forever God is with us


Coincidence? Probably not. I mean it really is STUCK in there. I even went on YouTube to watch the video to see if that would get it out, but nope... still there.

People have often said to me, regarding losing Caroline, "How do you turn to God when most people would turn away?" Granted, I do get mad, frustrated and even pissed off! BUT, I always try to remember that it could be SO much worse. Turning to God is the ONLY choice. Luckily, you CAN be mad at God and still be in a relationship with him. We are blessed because he loves us anyways...I learned that the hard way.

Thursday, May 22, 2008

Prayer Request



Please get on your knees and pray for this family....
Maria (on her daddy's lap in the photo above) was the youngest of their three adopted children.


Steven Curtis Chapman's daughter killed by car in driveway

By KATE HOWARD and LINDA ZETTLER
Staff Writers

Steven Curtis Chapman’s youngest child died Wednesday evening after being struck by a car driven by her teenage brother in the driveway of the family’s Williamson County home.

Maria, one of the Christian singer’s six children, was taken by LifeFlight to Vanderbilt Hospital, which confirmed the death, according to Laura McPherson, a spokeswoman for the Tennessee Highway Patrol.

The 5-year-old was hit by an SUV driven by her teenage brother, she said. Police did not give the driver’s name.

The teen was driving a Toyota Land Cruiser down the driveway of the rural home at about 5:30 p.m. and several children were playing in the area, McPherson said. He did not see Maria in the driveway before the vehicle struck her, she said.

“It appears to be a terrible accident,’’ McPherson said.

No charges are expected, she said. The accident was witnessed by two other children; the entire family was home at the time, McPherson said.

Singer/songwriter Chapman, who recently was inducted into Music City Walk of Fame, is one of contemporary Christian music’s most recognizable and most awarded names.

He and his wife Mary Beth have long been supporters of international adoption, having brought three girls from China into their family. Maria was the youngest.
The couple is so active in the cause that they formed an organization, Shaohannah’s Hope, to aid families wanting to adopt.

With his latest music tour, which came through Nashville in November, Chapman started a campaign called “Change for Orphans”. He asked audience members at each stop to bring spare change to the concert, where it was counted and given to a local family to aid in their adoption process.

“I don’t know of anybody who loves his children more than he does and is so committed to the adoption concept, and to lose one, no matter what the circumstances, is heartbreaking beyond all comprehension,” said John Styll, president of the Nashville-based Gospel Music Association.

“He talks about his kids all the time. That’s his life. His kids are more important to him than music, that’s for sure.”

The tragedy was announced during Wednesday-night services at Harpeth Hills Church of Christ, which the family attends. Maria had just graduated from the church preschool.

And word spread throughout the tight-knit Christian music community on Wednesday evening.

Styll got the news not long after Maria’s death.

“I’m confident I can speak for everyone in the community to say we will do everything we can to support this family, as we would do at any time, but especially at a time like this,” he said.

Most of the Chapman family was at Vanderbilt children’s hospital after the accident and could not be contacted. The long, gravel driveway leading to the home west of Franklin was blocked off by Williamson County sheriff’s deputies.