Grief

Grief, when you are the one going through it, is unlike you ever imagined it would feel. You know all those times you have seen someone else you love grieiving, or in pain, you think to yourself "I wish I could take the pain away for you." When you are the one in pain you almost don't want it to go away because then it feels like it is over- like you are moving on- like in a way you might 'forget'. People have commented about how I don't cry or how I 'seem' to be doing so 'well'. This doesn't mean it doesn't hurt. Surely on the outside I may not cry, possibly because I have no more tears left. (Seriously, I sometimes wish I could have a great big cry fest and 'get it all out' but the tears just won't come.) But trust me I hurt, in a way I truly couldn't have imagined.. my arms are empty and my heart is broken. There are days I feel like I am completely useless and just want to go get in the bed and stay there forever. Knowing this is not a choice... you have to put on your big girl panties and you say to yourself "I can do this. I am strong enough to make it through today."