Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Plan A vs. Plan B

This is a must see, really... you must watch this.
It speaks to my heart and I am sure it will to yours.
No matter what, even if you haven't lost a child.., we have all felt disappointed before and this video really speaks to the fact that God always knows the plan even when we feel like we don't get it......

Smith Family Story from Matthew Singleton on Vimeo.

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

3 months

Dear Caroline,
If you were born on your due date, you would be 3 months old today!
How different our lives would be! Oh, you will never know how much I love you and wish you were here.

Your Mommy

Saturday, April 26, 2008

March for Babies

We are almost there; our March for Babies is next Saturday, May 3rd.

We currently have raised more money than any other family team!

Facts from The March of Dimes:

Every 8 seconds a baby is born

About every 2 minutes a low birth weight (less than 5.5 lbs) baby is born

About every 4.5 minutes a baby is born with a birth defect

Every hour about 3 babies die

In an average week in Maryland 191 babies are born preterm…

What can you do in the next week to help?

In 8 seconds you can visit

In 2 minutes you can call a friend or neighbor and ask them to join our team

In 4.5 minutes you can send an e-mail encouraging someone to join us on May 3rd or sponsor our team on-line

In 1 hour you can help the March of Dimes raise awareness about this epidemic and help Maryland’s next generation be born healthy

Thank you to everyone who has supported us with this fundraiser honoring Caroline, and all babies!!!

Saturday, April 19, 2008


Written by a former child...

A message every adult should read, because children are watching you and doing as you do, not as you say.

When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw you hang my first painting on the refrigerator, and I immediately wanted to paint another one.

When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw you feed a stray cat, and I learned that it was good to be kind to animals.

When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw you make my favorite cake for me and I learned that the little things can be the special things in life.

When you thought I wasn't looking, I heard you say a prayer, and I knew there is a God I could always talk to and I learned to trust in God.

When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw you make a meal and take it to a friend who was sick, and I learned that we all have to help take care of each other.

When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw you give of your time and money to help people who had nothing and I learned that those who have something should give to those who don't.

When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw you take care of our house and everyone in it and I learned we have to take care of what we are given.

When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw how you handled your responsibilities, even when you didn't feel good and I learned that I would have to be responsible when I grow up.

When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw tears come from your eyes and I learned that sometimes things hurt, but it's all right to cry.

When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw that you cared and I wanted to be everything that I could be.

When you thought I wasn't looking, I learned most of life's lessons that I need to know to be a good and productive person when I grow up.

When you thought I wasn't looking, I looked at you and wanted to say, 'Thanks for all the things I saw when you thought I wasn't looking.'

Each of us (parent, grandparent, aunt, uncle, teacher or friend)influences the life of a child. How will you touch the life of someone today?

Thursday, April 17, 2008

March for Babies

Just an update:
I just checked out our page and I am totally humbled, shocked, and thrilled all at the same time!

Our total amount raised as a team is $4,771!!!! The original goal I set was $2000 and we have doubled it and then some! WOW! A HUGE thanks to everyone who has donated and decided to walk with us!!!We are going to have a great team! The walk is just 2 weeks away and I cannot wait!

There is still time to join our team and/or donate!
GO to:

Remember that the money we raise helps save premature and sick babies. Before having Caroline, I was completely clueless to the fact that babies really do die everyday. Through March for Babies, the March of Dimes is funding important research to find out why premature birth happens and what can be done to prevent it.

Monday, April 14, 2008

Lessons from the boat

Mark 6:45-56
45Immediately Jesus made his disciples get into the boat and go on ahead of him to Bethsaida, while he dismissed the crowd. 46After leaving them, he went up on a mountainside to pray. 47When evening came, the boat was in the middle of the lake, and he was alone on land. 48He saw the disciples straining at the oars, because the wind was against them. About the fourth watch of the night he went out to them, walking on the lake. He was about to pass by them, 49but when they saw him walking on the lake, they thought he was a ghost. They cried out, 50because they all saw him and were terrified. Immediately he spoke to them and said, "Take courage! It is I. Don't be afraid." 51Then he climbed into the boat with them, and the wind died down. They were completely amazed, 52for they had not understood about the loaves; their hearts were hardened.53When they had crossed over, they landed at Gennesaret and anchored there. 54As soon as they got out of the boat, people recognized Jesus. 55They ran throughout that whole region and carried the sick on mats to wherever they heard he was. 56And wherever he went—into villages, towns or countryside—they placed the sick in the marketplaces. They begged him to let them touch even the edge of his cloak, and all who touched him were healed.

Lessons from the boat
1. You must be willing to pray
2. There will be times you have to row the boat against the wind
3. Even in our storms, Jesus is near
4. There are times when you must be willing to leave the safety of your boat
5. After the storm, there will be blessing

This was the message at my friend Amy's church yesterday. So powerful and SO true.

Sunday, April 13, 2008

Always with me

Would you believe me if I told you all of this happened yesterday? It did!

~ I was shopping in TJ Maxx and a woman was browsing through the racks next to me. Her daugher was playing with her by hiding in the clothes. (She was really quite funny.) The mom played along and before I knew it I heard her saying,"Caroline, where are you? Uh oh, I cannot find Caroline." She then popped out of the clothes giggling at us both.

~ Then while I was at a baby shower they were playing music and guessed it Sweet Caroline came on.

~ Last night I took a wrong turn and realized the street name was indeed Caroline St. I guess it wasn't really a wrong turn but instead another reminder. I have driven this road millions of times before and never even noticed the sign.

~ Finally, when I came home I watched The Memory Keeper's Daughter. I read that book last summer when I was pregnant and completely forgot until watching the movie last night-one of the main characters name is Caroline.

After all of those 'signs' I was once again reminded that she really is still right here with me.

Saturday, April 12, 2008

Shout to the Lord

I usually watch Idol, but missed this. Someone emailed it to me. If you missed it too take a minute to watch..Great song.

"Shout To The Lord"

My Jesus, My Savior,
Lord, there is none like You;
All of my days
I want to praise
The wonders of Your mighty love.

My comfort, my shelter,
Tower of refuge and strength;
Let every breath, all that I am
Never cease to worship You.

Shout to the Lord, all the earth,
Let us sing
Power and majesty, praise to the King;
Mountains bow down and the seas will roar
At the sound of Your name.
I sing for joy at the work of Your hands,
Forever I'll love You, forever I'll stand,
Nothing compares to the promise I have in You.

Shout to the Lord, all the earth,
Let us sing
Power and majesty, praise to the King;
Mountains bow down and the seas will roar
At the sound of Your name.
I sing for joy at the work of Your hands,
Forever I'll love You, forever I'll stand,
Nothing compares to the promise I have in You.
Nothing compares to the promise I have
Nothing compares to the promise I have in you

Saturday, April 5, 2008


I have no ideas on what to sit down and write, only the feeling that I need to.
Even on the days I don't 'post' about Caroline... it is not because she isn't on my mind. It is weird how she is more on my mind now then in the days, weeks after losing her. It almost feels backwards- the farther I get from that day the more I feel like I am right back there. There is no rhyme or reason to this circle of grief. A few great days, and then all of a sudden BAM! a few really bad ones. I try to stay busy because being at home does remind me so often that she is NOT here. I think of how different our house, and life, would be with a 3 month old. It is easy to spend hours on the couch, in my pjs- like today- doing nothing. But in doing nothing, my mind is full of something. That something is the ache to have a my baby girl back. I hesitate to keep out all of the physical reminders of her that I have in this house, but at the same time I don't want to be absent of them.... It is quite a contradiction, I know.
Those who know me personally know I am quite a 'people person'. I simply enjoy being with people, meeting new people, and gathering with old friends. Since Caroline died, I have this annoying anxiety about being with groups of people. Once I get there I am always ok, but it is in the hours or moments before I am supposed to be somewhere that I dread it. I know that this is probably far from truth and even to me it sounds stupid, but I always feel like people are thinking-
"That's her- you, know the girl who lost the baby." I often wonder, are there whispers when I walk away? I hate that paranoid feeling and pray that it will go away. I am thankful that I have a wonderful husband who drags me (literally) off the couch and helps me get motivated to go out and face the world. It feels so much safer to stay right in this little cocoon of ours, but I know we must emerge...

Tuesday, April 1, 2008

Helping a Grieving Friend

When you have a quiet few minutes, please go here to read a series written about grief.
Be sure that you scroll all the way down to start at part 1. It gives a very good behind the scenes look at what it may be like for someone who is grieving. I have found that most peole don't really like the idea of being around someone who is grieving, mainly because they don't know what to say, or to do. Even after experiencing my own grief...I still don't claim it to be an easy thing to know what to say to others.

This blog belongs to Molly Piper. Like Caroline, their daughter, Felicity, was stillborn. Unlike us, she was full-term. I hope that this series will be helpful to you or to someone you know.

And finally, an FYI: I am not posting this b/c anyone has said or done the wrong things. I am posting this because Molly puts it very well. Also, for anyone who may come across my blog and need it in the future.