Wednesday, December 5, 2007
We are so programmed in this life to think many things are certain. I have also come to find that this is a 'quick fix' society. For example, You want a new car? Sure.. you can buy one (might not be able to afford it, but.. they sure will give you a loan). You have a headache? No problem, take a pill (and there are quite a few out there!) Clothes don't fit? Oh, just buy new ones (God knows I do!) My pattern of thinking here is that many, many times, without thinking twice, with certainty in fact, we said, "We're having a baby girl!" or "My due date is January 29th." When really in truth, we found out that life is so uncertain and there was no 'quick fix'. We did have our baby but not on our due date... instead she was 14 weeks early and born silent and still, an angel. We wanted answers and luckily there were some, but there was no 'fixing' to be found. It is a blessing that we could actually see what caused Caroline to die, don't get me wrong.. I am grateful for that. And, yes it was reassuring to know that there was nothing genetically 'wrong' with her and to know what happened would be very unlikely to happen again. All of that does provide some comfort. I guess what I mean is for so many months you count down to a date that you believe is going to mean one thing- a healthy and beautiful baby. It turns out that there are no guarantees that is the case. I think what saddens me most is that I am not alone on this journey. If you google "babies born still" there are 658,000 results. It shocks me to the core that this happens so often and NO ONE talks about it! After my experience many people have shared with me that it happened to them too, but I don't think that they would have ever told me had we not had the common bond. For all our lost babies, I think it is important that we talk about it, remember them, and treasure whatever time we did have. As we live each day we have to remember that here are indeed no guarantees- treasure each moment.