A butterfly lights beside us like a sunbeam and for a brief moment it's glory and beauty belong to our world. But then it flies on again and though we wish it could have stayed, we feel lucky to have seen it.
How is it possible for something that happened eight months ago to still hurt so bad?
The thing I am realizing is this: with each passing month from here on out, the time that she has been gone is greater than the time that she was here. Also, this time last year I was 8 weeks pregnant. I was so excited and telling everyone! These days, I am praying to be pregnant and of course for patience to understand that when the time is right it will happen.
This always has been one of my favorite movies. Tonight, I reminded myself so much of M'Lynn in the scene below. The thing of it is, grief is such a multi-faceted monster. You can think you are having a perfectly good day, week even, and then all of a sudden it sneaks up on you out of nowhere. Like tonight, we were at a party having a nice time and BAM! it just hit me.... I had the feeling in my gut that I am mad at the world and I needed to go home. (It didn't help that there were kids EVERYWHERE!) On the way home I said to Nick, "Sometimes I just get so MAD! I wish someone could feel how bad it hurts!" Watching all the parents at that party with their kids- showing them how to eat crabs, helping them into the moonbounce, or even lathering them with bug spray, it makes me so sad that I will never get to do any of those things with my Caroline. Lord, my prayer tonight is to soften my heart and give me peace and understanding of your plan that is so much bigger than this anger that I feel today.
M'Lynn: [crying] I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine. [screaming] M'Lynn: I'm fine! I can jog all the way to Texas and back, but my daughter can't! She never could! Oh God! I am so mad I don't know what to do! I wanna know why! I wanna know *why* Shelby's life is over! I wanna know how that baby will *ever* know how wonderful his mother was! Will he *ever* know what she went through for him! Oh *God* I wanna know *why*? *Why*? Lord, I wish I could understand! [In a firm tone] M'Lynn: No! No! No! It's not supposed to happen this way! I'm supposed to go first. I've always been ready to go first! I-I don't think I can take this! I-I don't think I can take this! I-I just wanna *hit* somebody 'til they feel as bad as I do! I just wanna *hit* something! I wanna *hit it hard*! [continues sobbing] Clairee: *Here*! [Grabs Ouiser by the shoulder and positions her in front of M'Lynn] Clairee: *Hit this*! Go ahead M'Lynn, *slap her*! Ouiser Boudreaux: [Taken aback and confused] Are you crazy? Clairee: *Hit her*! Ouiser Boudreaux: *Are you high, Clairee*? Ouiser Boudreaux: [In a frightened tone] Clairee, have you lost your mind? Clairee: We'll sell t-shirts sayin' "I SLAPPED OUISER BOUDREAUX!" Hit her! Annelle: [in a scared tone] Ms. Clairee, enoough! Clairee: Ouiser, this is your chance to do something for your fellow man! Knock her lights out, M'Lynn! Ouiser Boudreaux: [snatches away] Let go o' me! Clairee: M'LYNN, YOU JUST MISSED THE CHANCE OF A LIFETIME! HALF O' CHIQUAPIN PARISH'LL GIVE THEIR EYE-TEETH TO TAKE A WHACK O' OUISER!
"No one would choose pain and suffering. But when there is no choice, there remains some consolation. Natural disasters and times of crisis have a way of bringing us together. Hurricanes, fires, earthquakes, riots, illnesses, and accidents all have a way of bringing us to our senses. Suddenly we remember our own mortality and that people are more important than things. We remember that we do need one another and that, above all, we need God. Each time we discover God's comfort in our own suffering, our capacity to help others is increased. This is what the apostle Paul had in mind when he wrote, "Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God" ( 2 Corinthians 1:3-4).
We are so happy to welcome the newest addition to our family! Nick's cousin, John, and his wife Jessica (yes there are 2 Jessica Klugs)had a baby boy on Tuesday evening, May 27th. Baby John was in the NICU for a few days being treated for an infection, but thankfully is now home with Mommy and Daddy. Please pray for continued healing (and some sleep for the new parents:) We love you Baby John!
