There has been a lot of thought in my mind lately about moving on... so many people have given me the advice that I needed to hear. Here is some of it:
"You don't get over it, you get through it."
"Caroline will always be a part of our family"
"She has changed us forever and we will never forget her."
"God doesn't give us what we can handle, he helps us handle what we are given."
It isn't that I don't agree with all of that, I do, but the fact of the matter is that this grieving business is tiring! I am tired! I don't want to forget, and of course I never will, but I want to move on, move forward, and just plain feel like my old self again. I don't want to think of what happened all day everyday! I think of this anaology. You know how on your computer desktop you can create folders and you can 'put stuff away'. I wish it was that way. I wish I could put it away when I didn't want to think of it and go on with my happy life, and take it out when I want to. Instead, and the beauty of it is, I cannot put it away. And why would I want to? She is always right here with me. My best friend got me a bracelet that says, "I AM ALWAYS WITH YOU", and it is the subtle reminder on my wrist every moment that she is STILL here and always will be. I feel guilty sometimes 'moving on', going forward with normal (whatever that is) day to day life, but the reality is that is what we have to do... just keep breathing, and living.
I know many people are still praying for us, and I hope it is ok that I ask, but I would like to pray specifically for these things:
that God will continue to provide us with comfort and peace
the strength to 'move on' with our lives
the blessing of another pregnancy when the timing is right