Wednesday, May 21, 2008

It's all about choice

Found this poem in the blogosphere and thought it needed to be posted.

You can shed tears that she is gone
or you can smile because she has lived.
You can close your eyes and pray that she'll come back
or you can open your eyes and see all she's left.
Your heart can be empty because you can't see her
or you can be full of the love you shared.
You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday
or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.
You can remember her and only that she's gone
or you can cherish her memory and let it live on.
You can cry and close your mind, be empty and turn your back
or you can do what she'd want: smile, open your eyes, love, and go on.

Oprah had a show on OCD and one of the women suffering from it said she believed it stemmed from losing her twin sister at age 4. She said that she felt guilty for going on living when her sister couldn't. I had never thought about it like that. People always ask me questions like: How do you do it? How do you get up everyday? How do you keep on smiling? For one, it isn't me.. it is the big man upstairs who truly allows me to keep truckin' and 'get by' everyday:).... But, the bottom line is that I have no choice but to keep on living, especially because she didn't. Don't get me wrong, having your child die is a terrible and life-altering experience... really it is a nightmare. There are no words to really explain the loss and pain we have experienced. Many people, thankfully, will never know that kind of pain... but then again, many will. Everyone has their own struggles. Many people go thru MUCH worse than I have. I cannot help but compare myself with all of the other 'bloggers' that I have 'met' out there. As much as I try to be positive, it is just NOT fair. Why do we get to spend our whole life branded as the mommies of angels? I know that one day I will 'get' the grand plan.. but sometimes it just plain sucks.

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